Jason keeps asking me when I am going to start blogging again. I used to write all the time when I was on myspace and miraculously enough I was usually one of the most popular blogs back then I had a bazillion readers... well not really but I like the word bazillion tonight so I am using it.

I was also watching that STUPID and I literally mean stupid movie the other day Julie and Julia or whatever the freak it is called but anyway it was a stupid movie and a waste of my dollar well actually now it is two dollars because i forgot to take it back to the redbox

anyway the whole movie is about the girl blogging her way through julia child's cook book and how she became a writer because of it

well I have ideas for my books that I want to write or have written parts of but I dont want to cook my way through anyone's cookbook or become all crafty mormony type person ---
but lately I find myself sewing or making cards (to write/send) to the kiddlet---and then blog about it so that I could become famous then I see all these other blogs like coupon gal or make and take and stuff like that and I think they are soooo freaking cool and talented ladies out there and people like my little sis who are all craft and junk but I dont seem to have that sort of creativity and I guess I am just some sort of loud mouth who can read super fast and that is about it..... makes me wonder what I can and should do with my life... i am freakin 33 years old---i think---i lost count a while back. I dont seem to be progressing and doing much I just seem to be bleh. Cant catch up on bills, cant loose all the weight I want, cant cook, cant seem to have enough energy after work, cant be all spiritual, cant run anymore cause of my foot being all messed up, cant be all neatfreak like bleh!

does that make sense? cause it seemed to make sense for me

anyway the new year is around the corner I am not sure what is in store
not happy with the marriage
and especially not happy with myself

guess its time to be more blunt and straightforward
guess its time to be more truthful
and guess its time to set some deadlines and set some baby goals....

<3 again and again me...



anyway I